Pala: Wildest marijuana strain names

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The marijuana plant which produces the buds which gain these crazy names. Photo via Pixabay

New Jersey is a state known for various things, and among my favorites is our state’s reputation for having odd marijuana package marketing strategies. I’ve heard many say, in this state you never quite get what you’re paying for from a neighborhood pharmacist, but the creativity is to be marveled.

For some time, I thought the strange names were a regional thing, but I’ve come to realize that this is a global phenomenon. Unlike most business models that see businesses try to make their products sound the most appealing, the cannabis industry seems to be intent on making their strains sound the absolute worst. I can honestly say the successful clip at which it has worked should be taught in business classrooms in every university.

While I am not a smoker myself, I have found an odd interest in keeping track of the best pack names I’ve ever heard in my life, and here are some of my favorites.

  1. Biscotti
    We’ll start with a classic and a household name. The first time I heard about Biscotti, and just about every time was in a Gunna song. Biscotti is one of the most notorious and coveted strains in neighborhoods and dispensaries globally. What confused me from the start is the fact that it was named after a classic Italian style cookie. Above all, this is the most elegant name for weed strain I’ve heard to date and definitely goes against the grain in the industry.
  2. Animal Cookies
    I have never known animals to eat cookies, but I can’t imagine what would enter my body if I ate a cookie that was baked for animals. Maybe this refers to animal crackers, an actual snack that human children can eat. Nonetheless, this is also a very popular pack I’ve been told.
  3. Sherb Cake Quake
    To be completely honest, I heard about this one about an hour before I wrote this. I’m still trying to make sense of what they were alluding to.
  4. Purple Urkel
    I think this pack was named after the iconic television character? I would only be able to picture Steve Urkel in his iconic suspenders and oversized glasses — or maybe someone giving Urkel a purple nurple. All I know is that the name is strange, and it holds weight in California.
  5. Sour Diesel
    Why would you smoke something called sour diesel? One of the most popular strains I’ve heard of that kind of makes no sense at all. I’d also imagine it smells crazy.
  6. Big Nose Gelato
    I’ve heard about many types of gelato strains, but when I was introduced to the name big nose gelato I was perplexed. I wonder if the person behind it was a fan of big noses. The world may never know.
  7. Alaskan ClusterF**k
    This was the first nod to Alaska I’ve ever heard of in culture as a whole, so congrats to them. The person who named this had to be in a bad mood, or just extremely cold when they smoked it.
  8. Super Boof
    The name Super Boof is a masterclass in reverse psychology. For those who don’t know, boof is a nickname given to weed that is, quite frankly, terrible. Not only did this herbal artist allude to the product not being good, they proceeded to emphasize it, making it a masterclass in product advertising.
  9. Dawg Breath
    Have you ever had a dog breathe in your face? To me that is one of the most foul smells in the world, but if you disagree I digress. Regardless, I don’t understand why you would inhale anything inspired by dog breath, but to each their own.
  10. Gary Payton Cookies
    Gary Payton is a Seattle Supersonics legend that had a legendary NBA career, he was known for being tenacious defensively and often led the league in steals. Payton earned the nickname ‘the glove’ during his time in the league because of how hard he made it to get by him. With that being said I cannot understand why someone would smoke something that could get a hold of them the way Payton terrorized NBA stars in his prime, but kudos to them for embracing a challenge.
  11. Unicorn Poop
    This seems to be the pack for anyone with an eclectic and experimental taste palette. I’d imagine it takes you to places you never before imagined. Best of luck!
  12. Pink Panties
    I really don’t understand why and how they came up with this one. I’ve been trying to make sense of it but I am stuck, maybe they were alluding to the panty raid from Spongebob Squarepants?
  13. Cheetah Piss
    If I was placed in a scenario where I saw cheetah pee, I probably wouldn’t be here to tell the story. All I can do is hope and pray this bud doesn’t do the same.
  14. Purple Monkey Balls
    In what way does this sound appealing? I’d assume this one sits on the shelves but what do I know? I have respect for the purple monkey ball soldiers. Also that sounds painful, are the monkeys okay?
  15. Alien Nuts
    I wonder what movie was watched before this pack was named, or what place it took the originator to. Regardless, I strangely understand the appeal of where this spacey pack may take you.
  16. Gorilla Grips
    Gorilla grip is an overused pop culture reference that needs no explaining. I’d actually assume this pack is useful in times of intimacy. Maybe a go-to date night strain.
  17. Sleepy Joe Pack
    A quarantine classic. Sleepy Joe pack is named after our sitting president Joe Biden amidst jokes about his reaction time and age during the 2020 presidential election. Amidst all the controversy, I can admit Sleepy Joe is one of the funniest nicknames that came out of that insane election period and gave the world a pack that would be remembered eternally.
  18. Girl Scout Cookies
    This one is a hit! Genius on all levels. All of us have fallen victim to the legendary girl scout cookie strand, and some lose more than others. As a stan of girl scout cookie season, I see the appeal in indulging in this pack. Girl scout cookies can always put a smile on your face.
  19. Obama Runtz
    This pack took over Twitter with an iconic video of a boy from Atlanta going on about the confusion about the name. Highlighted by the question of whether former president Obama even condones the pack’s name or marijuana usage in general. Obama Runtz are a pack that transcended the world of cannabis, as casuals like me jeered at its existence.
  20. Queen Elizabeth Pack
    The passing of Queen Elizabeth II was one of the biggest globally documented events of the last couple of years, and extremely important to the world at large. To savor this timestamp in world history, the cannabis industry got creative and named a strain in her memory and honor. Knowledge of this hit Twitter and became an instant classic, leaving it with a special room in the hall of fame of odd pack names.

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1 COMMENT

  1. Your #7 strain doesn’t have the word “Cluster” in it. It’s Thunder. Alaskan Thunder Fk, or ATF.
    FWIW, there’s something similar called MTF. The “M” in MTF stands for Manasutra.

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