DeBlasio: Becoming a government person for the right price


Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I’ve decided to give up all the money that I have for a good cause.

To what, you ask? The Republican Party. Or more specifically, the party’s elected senators.

And for what cause?

Direct influence in the government, of course! I just heard that a big-time donor to Republicans was approved to some important position in the cabinet.

So I got to thinking.

You see, I’m not that familiar with the federal government or how it’s run. In fact I spend my days yelling about issues I actually have no real grasp of. This plan seems simple enough, though.

I could pledge a lot of money – OK not a lot, but a modest amount for a college student – and be guaranteed a top-level job.

I’ve always thought Transportation Secretary sounded like a cool title. No clue what the department does or what the job entails, but I heard that doesn’t matter. I own a car. I drive almost every day; should be plenty of qualifications.

Or maybe I could get appointed to that Energy job. I usually have lots of that.

To think after graduation I was going to have to struggle with jobs where I’d report on the schmucks of the local and federal governments. Now I can just be one of the schmucks!

I guess the only thing left to say is: who do I make my check(s) out to?

For comments/questions about this story, email or tweet @TheWhitOnline.


    • I did not claim to favor either political party. This situation is especially egregious in terms of lobbying because the person that contributed the large amounts of money was personally put into the White House. Journalism also requires calling out BS when you see it, and the fact that the person being discussed is ill-prepared for her job yet has direct influence on the education of many is extreme BS.