Crime log: Juicy e-mails and rogue rocks

Tuesday March 2, 1:19 p.m –Bole Annex

A distressed student went into public safety headquarters and reported that someone had printed out personal e-mails from his account. The student admitted he hadn’t logged off of Rowan’s computer system properly, making it easy for the perp to get in to his account.

While it’s safe to say that the student should have logged off before leaving in a hasty fashion, I’m more interested in the content of the e-mails. Were they juicy accounts of his weekend? Or perhaps copies of an exam he received from a friend? Does the student have insider information of some sort?

Maybe he posed for some questionable photos and is worried that they will get posted all over campus. If that’s the case and we start to see half-naked pictures pop up on fliers with snarky headlines – much like that scene in “A Walk to Remember,” you know the one I’m talking about – the victimized student will realize that it is more important to log off properly and be late to class then to let people into the most secret parts of your life.

If the Sandra Bullock thriller “The Net” taught us anything, it’s to not trust the Internet. I recommend you watch it and learn about the perils of being online. Since Bullock is now an Academy Award winner, I’m sure people won’t judge you when you pick up a copy.

Wednesday March 3, 1:33 p.m. 2nd Floor Campbell Library and Sunday March 7, 1:17 p.m. Student Center

Two separate rogue rocks were found on the floor of both the second floor of the library and the Student Center this past week. In both instances, broken glass from shattered windows was found by housekeeping with the large rocks nearby.

No word on whether it was the same housekeeper that found both rocks, but I think it’s likely that someone around campus has developed a crush and is trying to get this certain housekeeper’s attention.

I mean, how many times have you seen a romantic comedy, television show or Lifetime marathon where a love interest has thrown a rock at a window in order to get the object of their stalking – I mean affection – to come to the window. Obviously, the perp is a romantic!

Too bad the damage to the windows is estimated to cost over $500.

Hey buddy, next time just stand outside the building with a boom box over your head and blast Peter Gabriel. That’s sure to get her attention.

Although these briefs are a sample of actual incidents reported by public safety, please note creative license has been taken. The full report can be obtained at the office of the department of public safety in Bole Annex.

Rowan University Detective Bureau anonymous tip line: 856-256-7428.