Crime log: Unknown objects

Rowan Boulevard, 5:05 a.m. -

A patrolman responded to a report of public urination on Nov. 8. The officer arrived on the scene to find the suspect urinating on a hallway wall. The suspect, who claimed to be “staying with a friend,” was issued a summons for public urination, underage consumption of alcohol and a warning for trespassing. He was also informed that if he ever returns to the Rowan campus again, he’ll be arrested.

Now to be fair, he was probably only urinating on the wall to wash off his vomit. This punishment seems rather severe. I mean, we all have our bad nights. If Rowan banished every student who urinated on a wall or street sign or a professor, there wouldn’t be any students.

Unknown location, 9:19 a.m. –

An officer responded to a report that said a student’s car had been broken into. When the officer arrived at the scene, the officer found the passenger side window broken open and the contents of the glove compartment on the passenger seat. An iPod had been removed from the car.

The police report stated that the window had been broken with an unknown object. This is most likely untrue, as the person who broke into the car probably knew what the object was. The obvious exception, of course, being if the thief was blind. The fact that it was raining at the time of the crime only bolsters this theory because, as anyone who has seen “Daredevil” will tell you, rain gives blind people sonar.

I would tell the blind bandit to watch out, but that would be rude. Instead, I’ll tell them this: keep an ear to the ground, we’re onto you.